


la jolla

by reversecoaster



Series: your city gave me asthma [1]
Category: Minecraft (Video Game), Video Blogging RPF
Genre: aiming for around ten chapters, oh yeah first few chapters are kinda sad it gets happier eventually, sleepy bois inc - Freeform, this started as a vent fic but then i wanted to make it into a full fic so here we are, tommy angst go brrrrr, tubbo and big q too
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-04
Updated: 2021-01-26
Packaged: 2021-03-08 20:54:54
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 7,349
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27383032
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/reversecoaster/pseuds/reversecoaster
Summary: If someone asked Tommy what was wrong, he wouldn’t be able to give them a solid answer. He wasn’t sure if he would deflect or pour his heart out. Either one would work.( aka, tommy is sad but through a series of events makes some new friends and finally opens up to everyone )
Relationships: all platonic!!
Series: your city gave me asthma [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2000347
Comments: 14
Kudos: 226





	1. “you know it takes a lot to move me.”

Tommy didn’t always consider himself lonely. He felt quite popular, in fact. No matter where he went, or who he spoke to, he could strike up a conversation. He’s met so many people. He’d like to consider them friends, but he wasn’t sure if they felt the same way. 

He could joke around with everyone he met. Even he surprised himself by the connections he’d made, sometimes.

The people he spoke to tended to call him annoying and insult him, but he laughed it off. They were jokes, anyway, and he knew it. Sometimes it still hurt, though. It felt like there was always a little bit of truth to every joke. 

But it didn’t matter, anyway, as long as they spoke to him. Most of the time, they seemed annoyed with Tommy, though. It wasn’t exactly the most motivating thing ever, but he still continued to talk to new people. 

Even so, it wasn’t until recently that he realized he didn’t really feel close to people. Sure, he had his brothers, Phil, and Tubbo, but he never really spoke to them on a personal level. It’s like every time they spoke, it was never serious, unless it was Tommy getting scolded or something of the sort. But aside from that, Tommy never really engaged in conversations about feelings or more personal matters. 

Sometimes he heard Phil, Wilbur, and Techno having a group venting session, but he never felt confident enough to join in. Not to mention the fact that they were older than him, anyway. He’d probably get shooed away, which would just embarrass him more than anything. Still, he wanted so desperately to tell someone how he felt. He wanted for his brothers and father to trust him with what they were feeling. He wanted to show that yes, even the loud, rambunctious Tommy had a quiet and serious side. It hurt so much to see an opportunity and not be able to take it.

Other times, Tubbo would be ranting to him as they walked from school to their homes. For the most part, they had the same route home, which was convenient for when they wanted extra time to chat or to visit each other. Tubbo would talk about his day, and occasionally about something that had upset him. He seemed to speak so freely and trustingly to Tommy that it almost annoyed him, and he wanted several times to just tell him to shut up, but he couldn’t. He couldn’t break the trust given to him, because as painful as it was to hear Tubbo talk so openly about his problems while Tommy couldn’t, he preferred it so much more than to Tubbo becoming closed-off. Not trusting. Like Tommy. 

Tommy Trusty. Pretty ironic name when it comes to things like this. Fuck. 

He wanted so badly to just find a random person and tell them about everything. How lonely he felt all the time. How he felt like he was nothing more than a loud voice for people to laugh at. How it hurt when people would shove him away when it came to more serious topics. How he wanted to have even one close friend to trust completely, except for the fact that he was immensely terrified of showing any kind of vulnerability.

He knew that Tubbo would listen. His brothers and father probably would, as well. However, he had already built up this mess of a persona in which he had no vulnerabilities. It was stupid, in all honesty, but he didn’t want to ruin their idea of him. He was supposed to be strong, and his own stubbornness and desire to not be seen as weak outweighed his want to reach out for help.

He would sometimes drop an occasional joke about his own mental state, or hint towards not feeling well, but he’d just get brushed off and laughed at. He would just laugh along with them, because no one expected Tommy to ever feel down. It felt so suffocating, and it was slowly killing him inside. He needed an escape, a way to breathe, a way to take a break from his current life. 

It was piling up so quickly that it reached a point in which every few days he would be hiding in the bathroom and crying. It was almost always the same thing, with him just sitting in the corner on a carpet and sobbing as quietly as he could to avoid waking his family up. He felt so stupid. He just wanted to tell his brothers, dad, and Tubbo, but maybe that would make things worse. Maybe he deserved to suffer in silence like this. It’d make up for all the douche-y things he’d done to everyone around him.

He just wanted a silent world where he could sort out his thoughts, but he also wanted to deal with his thoughts in order for his brain to shut up. It was confusing and made his head hurt just thinking about it. 

God, life sucked. He hated everything about himself. He felt so fake. What kind of sixteen-year-old boy couldn’t stay quiet for one fucking second without having an outburst? He treated his friends like shit and would barely even think to apologize unless one of his family members forced him to. Shouldn’t good, decent human beings just have control over themselves? If so, why didn’t Tommy? Why couldn’t Tommy behave like everything else? Everything hurt so much. He just wanted to hit pause on everything, or to be hugged. Fuck, could he go for a hug right now. It felt like it’d been months since he last had one.

Maybe life was better this way. He didn't have to deal with fake concern and kindness, or just completely ignorance and denial of his feelings. He could handle this kind of thing himself, anyway. He’d been doing it for this long, so what was a couple of extra nights more? 

Did he really believe that, though? That he could just go on so long living like this? Even he knew to an extent that this was unhealthy, even if he didn’t want to face what that might mean.

So, he would just keep quiet about his feelings and laugh it off. He wouldn't let his hurt show whenever someone called him annoying or obnoxious. He was Tommy. Tommy, who was loud, funny, and annoying. And that was all he’d ever be. 

He could settle for that.


	2. “so if you figure it out, tell me.”

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After a shitty morning, Tommy meets someone who might just make things better.

Tommy’s day had been progressively getting worse. First of all, he woke up later than he expected. The night before, he’d stayed up watching videos on his phone, mindlessly scrolling through YouTube until his tired body finally gave up and passed out. 

He wasn’t sure when this was, but it had to have been somewhere around 5 A.M. He must have been more tired than he originally thought because he ended up sleeping through his alarm for 6:30 A.M. and woke up around 7:15 A.M. This wouldn’t have been such a bad time if he didn’t have to share the bathroom with his two older brothers.

And so, he had to beg for Wilbur to let him use the bathroom during his time. Wilbur was understandably pissed when he came to ask him this, but nonetheless complied. 

He did get yelled at afterward by Wilbur, though, for staying up and sleeping in. Tommy couldn’t help but feel a bit peeved. If he could've gone to bed earlier, he would’ve. It wasn’t his fault his body’s internal clock worked in strange ways. 

Secondly, adding to his already fucked up day, he’d forgotten to study for a test he had today. Well, not “forgotten.” He had remembered last night, but by the time he realized when the test was, he was too tired to retain any information. So, he planned to do it in the morning, but was obviously sidetracked by the whole bathroom fiasco. 

He wasn’t the best student, anyway. Certainly not as good as his older siblings. He had given up on keeping his grades up a long time ago. It was just another thing his brothers were better at than him. 

Third, in the chaos of all the yelling and sleep deprivation, he’d forgotten his entire fucking bookbag at home. His textbooks, notebooks, and supplies were all spread out on his desk, still messy from the night before. 

He was too afraid to ask Wilbur to drop his things off because he knew he’d just get another lecture when he came home. At least he could borrow materials from Tubbo. He didn’t want to bother him too much, though. It’s not like Tommy would be taking notes, anyway. He hardly ever paid attention in class anymore.

And that’s exactly how the whole day went. For the entire day, he didn’t do any work whatsoever. Sure, he got yelled at by his teacher, and almost received detention several times, but it wasn't anything he wasn’t used to. 

It was the same thing every single day of the week. How he hadn’t gotten expelled yet, he didn’t know. It most likely had something to do with his older siblings.

Ah, the joys of being the youngest child and constantly being compared by everyone to his family. He loved them, but it could get annoying being compared to Phil’s maturity, Wilbur’s charm, and Techno’s brains. 

The nicest thing the teachers had ever complimented Tommy on was his extroverted personality, but that was only during the first few weeks of school. Afterward, he would just get told off for interrupting class each time he tried to start a conversation with someone. 

Throughout the school day, he continued to bury himself in a deep pit of self loathing. His miserable morning had just led to a terrible day. He hardly spoke to Tubbo during the classes they shared, instead choosing to crumple every note that his friend passed him.

He didn’t speak to any of the other students, either. He was oddly silent in comparison to his typical behavior, seeing as he couldn’t bring himself to keep the act up. 

As soon as the bell rang at noon, Tommy rushed out of the classroom, tired of the stuffiness inside. He walked past Tubbo who had also just gotten out of his class. “Hey, Tommy!” he called out cheerfully. Begrudgingly, he slowed his pace. “Hey, Tubbo.”

Tubbo threw an arm around Tommy’s shoulder. “How was class today? You didn’t answer any of my notes,” he said with a frown. Tommy rolled his eyes. “I don’t have to answer you every moment of the day, quit being so fucking clingy.” He shoved Tubbo’s arm off and walked faster. 

Right now, they had lunch, which meant he couldn’t easily avoid speaking to Tubbo, but he could try. He glanced back quickly, watching as a look of hurt flashed across Tubbo’s face before it was quickly replaced with a look of concern and confusion. 

“Tommy,” he said, “are you alright?” Tommy froze and stood still in the hallway. He felt his fight or flight instincts kick in. He could either stay here and try to lie his way out of the conversation, or run and miss out on lunch. 

“Tommy?” Tubbo asked, waiting patiently for an answer. His voice rang in Tommy’s head, solidifying his decision. 

Tommy gripped the straps of his book bag and ran as fast as he could away from Tubbo. “Hey, come back!” he called out after Tommy. Tommy could hear the sound of footsteps chasing after him, but he just sprinted forward. Tommy had always been faster when it came to racing. 

He continued to run, able to flee quickly due to the fact that most people had cleared the halls and made it to their classes and lunchrooms already. He ran toward a door near the end of the hall and quickly threw it open, deciding to hide in there. He caught his breath as he walked up the staircase hidden behind the door.

He had been there before. Several times, in fact. It was a staircase that led up to the roof of the school, a place where he often went to calm down and relax. It was always silent, and the strong sound and feeling of the wind helped to ground him. 

As he reached the rooftop, he noticed the presence of another person up there as well. On the bench that he typically sat on was someone he had never seen before. They were wearing a blue sweater and had a beanie covering most of their hair.

He stood still for a moment, wondering whether or not to approach the stranger, when they suddenly sighed and got up. They turned around and started walking in Tommy’s direction, not noticing he was there until he let out a loud, unsubtle cough. The stranger jumped as they saw Tommy standing there. They let out a nervous laugh and waved at him. 

“Hey,” said Tommy. “What are you doing here? Not to seem like a dick, but this is usually my spot, and I’ve never seen anyone else up here before now.” 

The fact that the rooftop was accessible wasn’t commonly known to most students, and Tommy probably would’ve never found out about it had his siblings not told him how to access the location. 

Tommy hadn’t even told Tubbo about it, though he had planned to in the future. He kept the place secret for times like these, when Tubbo was asking too many questions, or when Tubbo was absent and he didn't want to embarrass himself by sitting alone.

“Uh,” they started, “sorry. This is actually my first time up here. I was exploring around, since I didn’t have much else to do with my time.” Tommy looked at them, staring at their expression before deciding that they weren’t a threat. 

“It’s fine,” he said, shrugging. “Just my first time seeing someone else up here. It caught me off guard, I guess.” The stranger let out a nervous laugh and smiled. “What’s your name?” he asked. 

“I’m Tommy. I’m a sophomore. Uh… I’m a dude, he/him pronouns,” he muttered. “What about you?” 

“Oh, me too. And I’m a junior. I actually switched schools recently, so I’m new to all this. My name’s Alex, but you can call me whatever, honestly.” 

Tommy snorted. He noticed a small duck pin on the other’s sweater and got an idea. “Heh, what about Duck Fuck? Duckity Fuckity? Quack? No, wait, Quackity! I’m going to call you Quackity!” He grinned at him in silence, anticipating his reaction.

After a brief look of confusion, the other boy burst into laughter. “Qu—Quackity?!” he cackled. “Where the fuck did you get that from?” Tommy joined in on the laughter. “Your pin,” he said, struggling to breathe over his own wheezing laughter. “You did say I could call you whatever.”

As the two boys calmed down from their giggling, Alex let out a content sigh. “You know, you’re funny, dude. Do you wanna be friends or some shit?” 

Tommy pondered the question for the moment, thinking it over. On one hand, he didn’t feel like he deserved having any other friends. He didn’t want to let himself become too attached to someone who would eventually leave him because of all his bullshit. 

On the other hand, Quackity was new to the school and had no other friends. Tommy could relate to that, seeing as he only really had Tubbo, who he had clinged onto as soon as Tubbo invited him to be friends. 

If he was being honest with himself, Tommy was terrified. The more attachment he had for someone, the more inclined he felt to suddenly break down and tell them about everything that was wrong in his shitty life. 

But there was also a part of him that desperately wanted someone new. Tommy appreciated Tubbo more than anything, but one friend could only do so much. He felt selfish for wanting someone more than Tubbo, but it had been years since he had another friend. 

Nobody bothered to speak to him in fear of getting in trouble, but Alex was different. Quackity was a new student, and judging by the way he had laughed at Tommy’s jokes, their sense of humor wasn’t too different.

He had never gotten along with someone that quickly before. Not even with Tubbo, as they had not gotten along that well before they became closer friends.

Maybe he was being naive, but he wanted to give this friendship with Quackity a shot. Maybe some ethereal being had sensed Tommy’s suffering and sent him someone to make him feel better. Who knew when another opportunity like this would arrive?

He must have thought it over for too long, because his thoughts were quickly interrupted by another laugh, this time nervous. “I’m kidding, dude. We don’t have to be friends if you don’t want to. I was just— Haha, I just… Yeah.” Quackity avoided eye contact and looked ready to flee from the situation.

Tommy perked up and shook his head. “No, no, no, that’s not what I meant. I’d love to be your friend,” he said with a wide grin. “I think you’re funny too. We get along well, Big Q. Really well.”

Alex raised his eyebrow at the new nickname but didn’t comment. “Alright then,” he said. “Alright.” They smiled at each other, a comfortable silence filling the air, before Tommy began another conversation.

And that’s how they stayed, even after their lunch period was over. They talked and laughed together, bonding over mutual interests, and shared stupid jokes that had them falling on the rooftop and cackling.

After school ended, they both decided to go to their own separate homes to lessen the chance of their parents finding out that they had skipped class. They found that their houses were also relatively close by, meaning that they could walk home together.

As they walked, neither of the boys noticed the gaze of a short brunette staring in confusion as his best friend walked off with a student he hadn’t seen in school before.

Instead, they spoke loudly, their voices sounding through the neighborhood. Tommy smiled. Maybe this friendship was the beginning of a better life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> not tommy accidentally abandoning his friend 
> 
> honestly, i didn’t even plan for this chapter or plot point originally, but i wanted to add big q, and i also needed to add another reason for the eventual main conflict in the story bc it was moving way too fast
> 
> this chapter had too much happiness so next chapter should be when things go downhill LULW
> 
> also, this is my first time writing a fic in a while, and first time aiming to complete one, so apologies if it seems a bit bumpy!! i want to aim towards updating either on wednesday, friday, or during the weekend. updates may just end up being random, though.
> 
> love u guys!! :))


	3. “i'll trace figures on your smile lines.”

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Good things don't always last. Tommy returns to his old roots.

Fun fact. Tommy never got things to go his way.

His friendship with Alex had been going well. For the past two weeks, Tommy had been non-stop hanging out with Quackity. He had even invited him over to his house a few times, and had visited the other boy’s home as well. 

His family had wondered where Tubbo had gone, but Tommy just brushed it off. He felt an uncomfortable sense of guilt in his stomach at having completely left his friend without an explanation, but when he was hanging out with Alex, the feeling went away.

For the first time in ages, he felt like he could trust someone. Of course, he didn’t go too into detail about his personal thoughts, seeing as they had still just met, but they had known each other for enough time to notice when the other was acting off. There had been several occasions where they had had ranting sessions up on the rooftop, rambling on about whatever it was that had bothered them that day.

His friendship with Quackity felt different than his with Tubbo or his family. Maybe it was because Quackity didn’t have stressfully high expectations of him, or perhaps it was because they had only just recently begun speaking. Either way, Tommy found himself slowly opening up to the junior.

Needless to say, Alex was a great distraction from the rest of Tommy’s life. He was a vibrant, hilarious teen with the same rapid speed sense of humor that Tommy had. They were inseparable for those unforgettable weeks. At least, before Quackity began to settle into the school.

One day on the rooftop, while they were silently hanging out and enjoying each other’s presence, Quackity announced something new to Tommy. “Hey, Tommy,” he said with a grin. “I’ve got some good news. You’ll never guess what I’ve been doing.” 

Tommy, who had been drowsily looking over the parking lot of the school after another sleepless night, turned around to face him. “What is it, Big Q?” he said after yawning, curiosity filling his tired voice. 

From what he knew, Quackity hadn’t been working on any big, secret projects. He assumed that Alex would have told him about it if he was. They usually caught each other up on what was happening during school, and had been spending a majority of their time outside of school together, so he had no clue as to what his announcement was.

“Alright,” he began. “So you know how I said that there was this cool looking dude in one of my classes? The one who always shows up in a suit?” Tommy gave a quick nod of acknowledgement. 

“Well,” he continued, “It turns out his name is Schlatt. He’s been talking with me, and he even said my ass was fat,” he said, letting out a cackle. “He’s fucking crazy, and a bit of an asshole, but he’s funny as hell.”

At the sound of the man’s name, Tommy bolted upward as if he had just been shocked. “What?” he asked. “Schlatt? Like, THE Schlatt?” Quackity stopped midlaugh, a concerned expression appearing on his face. “Yeah, Schlatt. Why, is something up with him?” Something was definitely up with him, but that wasn’t why he was so shocked.

No, the reason he was surprised was because Schlatt was his role model. His brothers had told him all about the mischievous man, and he had instantly looked up to him. 

At some point, Wilbur and Schlatt had even been best friends. The one time he had spoken to him was when Schlatt had come over to hang out at their house. Tommy had tried to say hello, his younger self stunned and ready to impress his idol, when Schlatt simply laughed at him and walked away, mocking the way Tommy spoke and acted.

What hurt even more was that Wilbur had laughed along with him, clearly aware of how much Schlatt’s opinion on him meant to Tommy, but finding the situation funny regardless. Wilbur hadn’t realized it, but the whole event had severely hurt Tommy and his trust towards his older brother. 

It was such a small, stupid action, but it still affected Tommy to this day. He hadn’t tried to reach out to Schlatt again, fearful of being laughed at once more. He didn’t trust Wilbur with any of his secrets or idols anymore, either. 

It didn’t matter, anyway. Schlatt and Wilbur weren’t friends anymore after Schlatt had run for student council president against Wilbur, and won. Wilbur had been too embarrassed from having lost to a junior as a senior, and ended up snapping at Schlatt. He had been telling Schlatt his plans related to the student council for years, and was hurt that he had won it from him.

He had come home scowling that day, scornfully telling his family over dinner that he had lost the election to his best friend. The family quickly tried to cheer him up, but he remained seething.

Later that night, Tommy heard yelling coming from Wilbur’s room and went over to investigate it. He found that Wilbur had called the other teen to confront him. He accused him of running solely to take it from him, and called him a shitty wanna-be. After he was finished with his ranting, he declared their friendship over, angrily hanging up and repeatedly slamming his fist into the wall.

Tommy had listened quietly as Wilbur let out heavy, shaking sobs, only audible from just outside the door. He quickly picked himself up from where he had been sitting against the door and rushed back to his room, confused and shocked. While he wanted to help comfort his older brother, he didn’t have any idea on how to even begin.

Wilbur had been right to doubt Schlatt’s presidential power. Only a week after he was announced student council president, he yelled at Tubbo, of all people, who was also in student council. He didn’t pay attention in any of the meetings, and treated the other students poorly. The faculty turned a blind eye to it, however, seeing as Schlatt had come from a rather wealthy family.

In summary, Schlatt was a massive dick who didn’t know how to treat others. He caused chaos in all his friendships, and made students fearful of him. Despite all the warning signs, Tommy still silently admired Schlatt, never speaking it outloud in order to not set off Wilbur’s emotions. He didn’t bring this up to Quackity, either, although he most likely should have.

“No!” Tommy yelled, his leg jumping up and down in excitement. “That’s fucking awesome! Schlatt is like, the coolest person ever in this high school. Fuckin’ world, even,” he said, gleaming. Admittedly, he did leave out the part where he betrayed his older brother, and hurt him when he was younger, but it wasn’t important at the moment.

What was important was the fact that Alex could see if Schlatt would want to talk to Tommy. Hell, he could even vouch for him, considering they had been friends for a while, now. Quackity’s friendship with Schlatt could be the perfect gateway into having his own friendship with the man.

“Really? If I’m being honest, he was kind of weird. Funny-- but weird. I guess I can see why you think of him like that, though.” Quackity walked over to where Tommy was leaning on the railing. “Hey,” he said. “You seemed pretty excited about him. You look up to him or something? I could see if he wants to hang out with you, maybe.” He grinned at Tommy, his eyes filled with understanding.

Tommy felt his fingertips unconsciously begin to drum against the railing. Whether it was from fear or embarrassment, he didn’t know. “Yeah,” he responded, his voice shaky. “That sounds… God, that sounds cool. I should warn you, though. The first time I spoke to him, he just laughed at me. He also, uh… He and my brother aren’t on the best of terms, so I-- I’m not sure if he’ll really like me.” 

His heartbeat began to speed up. Internally, he still had a slight fear that he would just be humiliated again. Still, he wanted to give it another shot. He didn’t normally think rationally, so why should he start now?

Quackity just let out a laugh and smiled, picking up on Tommy’s nerves. “It’ll be alright, Tommy. You’re a big man after all. You can handle it!” He leaned over to reach the blonde and ruffled his hair. It almost reminded Tommy of something his older brothers would do. God, he missed being closer with his brothers.

“I’ll put in a good word for you. It’ll be alright.” Tommy smiled back at him and swatted his hand away, not putting in any effort to actually remove it. “Thanks, Quackity. It means a lot,” he said, his worry slightly lessened. “Now, let’s talk about your day!” yelled Quackity, excitement filling his voice. 

Any remaining doubts Tommy had were instantly forgotten as he prepared to tell Quackity his story. “You would not believe the fucking day I’ve had,” he began. 

They continued speaking until they both had to begin their way back home. They left the school and walked to their homes, a content silence being shared between them before they had to part ways. Tommy would never admit it outloud, but he appreciated how understanding Alex was. He always knew just how to comfort and distract him without making Tommy feel worse.

After a few days, Alex had more news to give him. “Oi, Tommy, mate,” he said with a shitty attempt at a British accent. Tommy scoffed. “Fuck off. I may be stuck in a stupid American school, but me and my British accent could still kick your arse.” Quackity laughed and rolled his eyes. “Shut up, Tom-aye. Listen to what I have to say.” Tommy snorted and moved his hands, motioning for him to continue. “Well, go on then.” 

“I’ve been talking to Schlatt,” he said bluntly. Tommy’s head snapped upward from where it had previously been downturned, staring at the ground. “Oh, really? Did you-- did you mention me?” Quackity had a nervous, pitiful smile and glanced to the side. He let out a puff of air. 

“Aah, well, you see… Schlatt isn’t… he isn’t the nicest.” Tommy tilted his head at him. Quackity groaned and said, “Okay, look. He’s a dick. He’s not nice to people he doesn’t like.” Tommy snorted and rolled his eyes. “I already know that, trust me when I say I’ve had first hand experience.”

“Riiiight,” he said, dragging it out. “So you’ll take what I’m about to tell you lightly, right?” If Tommy wasn’t nervous already, he definitely was now. His heart began to speed up, the sound pounding in his ears. He briefly wondered if Quackity could hear it as he nodded his head. 

Quackity looked at him hesitant before saying, “I’ll get to the point. He kinda, uh, hates you? Well-- not hates you. He said that you were, and I quote, ‘An annoying little shit.’ Did you do something to piss him off or something?” he said, uncomfortably chuckling.

Tommy took a second to respond, too focused on keeping his quickly becoming panicked breathing under control. “N-no, I didn’t do shit to him. It was Wilbur, all fucking Wilbur’s fault, he fucking did this,” he muttered, using as minimal energy as possible to get the words out. “That dick. I fucking hate him.”

In all honesty, he knew it wasn’t Wilbur’s fault. As much as he wanted to loathe in his own self pity, he knew that it wasn’t his own fault, either. It was obvious to everyone that Schlatt was simply a selfish dick, but Tommy needed someone to blame other than his idol. 

“Wilbur?” Quackity looked at his slightly shaking friend with a questioning gaze. Tommy nodded. “Yeah, they had this big stupid fight a while back. I think I mentioned it before.” Tommy held back from saying anything more, as even though he was pissed, he didn’t quite want to give all of Wilbur’s secrets away.

Quackity was silent for a second before seeming to come to a decision. “So you’re saying that your family and Schlatt aren’t on the best of terms, then?” He tugged his beanie down, an action that Tommy had come to realize was a nervous habit. “I mean… yeah, I guess,” he answered. “Why?” 

The other boy coughed and quickly said, “We can’t be friends anymore.”

Tommy felt the entire world freeze before the cold words shattered onto his heart, fracturing an area dedicated to Quackity that he hadn’t even known was there. “What did you say?” he asked, keeping his voice low in an attempt to hide the quiver threatening to overtake it.

Alex looked up from where he had been staring at a fallen leaf on the roof and met Tommy’s eyes. “We can’t be friends anymore. I know that -- well -- that you originally ‘took me in’ when I had no one else to talk to, but Schlatt’s really fucking cool. I just...” he trailed off. Tommy fought the urge to start crying or yelling. Whichever would’ve come first.

“I appreciate what you’ve done for me, really!” he continued, a sorry attempt at a look of gratitude overtaking his face. “I just… It feels like you would interfere, you know? This is my one attempt at actually making more friends than… Well, than you.”

More friends than Tommy. Tommy himself wasn’t enough of a reason for Alex to stay. Somewhere in between now and the beginning of their friendship, Quackity had finally figured out just how tiring it was to be friends with Tommy.

He couldn’t help but feel betrayed. He knew he should’ve expected it, but things had seemed to be going so well. It was inevitable that something like this would happen. He just didn’t think it would be this soon.

“So you’re j-just going to fuckin’ leave?” he said, his voice sounding weak and pitiful, even to himself. He coughed in an attempt to clear his voice. 

There was a choking feeling in his throat, and no matter how much he coughed or tried to calm his breathing, it wouldn’t go away. He felt his face heat up, and he couldn’t tell if it was from hurt, embarrassment, or anger. He’d like to pretend that it was anger.

While he was trying to calm himself down, Quackity began to walk away. His steps were quiet, and his face regretful. Evidently, he wasn’t regretful enough to stay, as he simply nodded his head and left.

Tommy stared at the spot where he once was, filled with betrayal and shock. Tommy and Quackity had been friends -- hadn’t they? So then why was it so easy for him to just leave? Why did Alex find someone new and immediately leave him behind? What was so good about Schlatt?

...Was it just him? Maybe Tommy was just too annoying. Maybe Alex found out that he was an embarrassment to know. He could imagine Schlatt talking shit about him, and Quackity nodding along and laughing. 

Everything hurt. He dropped to the floor of the roof and hugged his knees close to his chest. He leaned against the railing, careful to not fall through. He was sad, but not stupid. He rested his head against the rail, not caring about how dirty it was and focusing solely on the cool relieving feeling. He could always take a shower later.

He thought it over. Why was it that the one time he made a friend that he could trust, they left him? After some time filled with painful thoughts, he came to a conclusion. It was him. It had to be. It was always fucking him messing up any form of relationships he had. It happened with his family, it happened with Schlatt, it happened with Alex, and it happened with Tubbo--

Tubbo.

He had completely neglected Tubbo during his time with Alex, choosing to hang out with Quackity despite Tubbo’s frequent texting. 

Tommy felt a wave of guilt come over him as he pulled out his phone. He ignored the tears that fell on his screen, wiping them away with the sleeve of his hoodie, and pulling up his messages with his best friend (?). He scanned over the past few conversations, watching as Tubbo would constantly check in on him, and Tommy would give short replies. 

At some point, Tubbo had given up on messaging him completely. Their last texts had gone like this.

Nov 13, 4:28 PM  
from: clingy fuck  
Hey tommy! I was wondering how you were doing. Its been a while since weve talked.  
Read Nov 13, 5:01 PM

Nov 13, 6:11 PM  
from: tommy!!  
im fine  
Read Nov 13, 6:13 PM

Nov 13, 6:14 PM  
from: clingy fuck  
Oh im glad to hear!! Im here for you if you need anything  
Read Nov 13, 6:20 PM

Nov 13, 6:31 PM  
from: tommy!!  
k   
thanks i guess  
Read Nov 13, 6:32 PM

Nov 13, 6:32 PM  
from: clingy fuck  
I love you tommy!!  
Read Nov 13, 9:43 PM

Nov 15, 3:31 PM  
from: clingy fuck  
Hey tommy!!  
Read Nov 15, 4:02 PM

Nov 15, 4:05 PM  
from: tommy!!  
hi  
Read Nov 15, 4:09 PM

Nov 15, 4:10 PM  
from: clingy fuck  
How are you  
Read Nov 15, 4:14 PM

Nov 15, 4:41 PM  
from: clingy fuck  
Tommy?  
Read Nov 15, 5:06 PM

Nov 16, 3:57 PM  
from: clingy fuck  
I miss you, want to hang out later today?  
Or this weekend?  
Read Nov 16, 4:01 PM

Nov 16, 4:07 PM  
from: clingy fuck  
I get if youre busy, anytime is okay  
Read Nov 16, 5:21 PM

Nov 17, 11:49 AM  
from: clingy fuck  
Tommy?  
Read Nov 19, 2:07 AM

Nov 22, 10:34 PM  
from: clingy fuck  
I hope youre doing well.  
Read Nov 23, 1:05 PM

He let out a loud curse as he realized how it had been since they’d had a genuine conversation. It was now November 27th. He let out a puff of air he didn’t know he had been holding and scrolled back down.

He quickly typed out a message, his hands shaking as he did so. Once he finished, his right thumb hovered over the send button. 

Would Tubbo even want to speak to him still after the way Tommy had treated him? Tommy knew that the answer was yes, but he also knew that he didn’t deserve it. Tubbo was far too forgiving for his own good, and Tommy hated it.

Sometimes, he just wished Tubbo would hate him for how shitty of a person he was. Still, he shook these thoughts away and hit send. With a slight feeling of hesitation, he also sent a short follow up message.

Nov 27, 12:47 PM  
from: tommy!!  
hey tubbbo. i lnow it’s been a while. a really long time actually. i know youre probably havingljnch right n ow or smething but i kindof need your help. or . i don’t know. i just want you to be here.   
i’m sorry for being a dick.   
Read Nov 27, 12:49 PM

Nov 27, 12:54 PM  
from: clingy fuck  
Where are you?  
Read Nov 27, 12:54 PM

Nov 27, 12:56 PM  
from: tommy!!  
you know teh door at the end of the hall   
it’s past the cafeterisas and shjt right past it   
it’s the one we joked about having a fucking meth lab in it   
pleade come there’s a staircaase inthere go up i’m sorry please just come   
Read Nov 27, 12:56 PM

Nov 27, 12:57 PM  
from: clingy fuck  
Im on my way.  
Read Nov 27, 12:57 PM

Tommy shut his phone off and threw it, watching as it slid and hit a pole in the center of the roof. He sniffed, rubbing harshly at his eyes and continuing to breathe loudly. 

No matter what he did, the tears just kept falling. He didn’t want Tubbo to see him like this, but he had no choice. He needed someone by him, or he’d spiral into a cycle of self loathing, and he couldn’t let that happen. 

The school bell rang loudly at 1 PM, just as he heard a door slam nearby. He frantically rubbed at his eyes, knowing that the effort was useless, but doing it anyway. He attempted to calm his breathing down as well, but the more he tried, the more he felt like he was suffocating.

Rapidly approaching footsteps alerted him to the presence of someone closeby. He looked up and saw a blur of green quickly, but cautiously getting nearer. A voice in the back of his head told him that this was Tubbo, wearing his favorite, stupid, oversized green hoodie. The familiar, but blurry sight was comforting to him.

He blinked again, and suddenly he was right in front of him, a hand extending to reach towards Tommy. When Tubbo’s hand made contact with his shoulder, he flinched hard, the feeling foreign and uncomfortable. Still, it helped to get him to focus better on the situation.

Alex. Schlatt. Alex. Leaving. Schlatt. Better. Alex. Gone. Tubbo. “Tommy--!” 

Tubbo’s frantic shouting ringed in his head. He let out a heavy sigh and stuttered, “H-hey, Tubbo. Thanks for-- Thanks for coming.” He felt himself choking on every word. He couldn’t tell if it was from the guilt of not having spoken with the other in so long, or from his tears. He didn’t want to think about it.

“It’s okay, Tommy, I’m here now. I won’t touch your shoulder again, unless you’re okay with it,” he nervously explained. “I-- I’m honestly not sure how to deal with these kinds of things, but uh, just breathe with me, alright? Listen to my breathing.” Tubbo began to exaggerate his breathing pattern, doing his best to make it clear to Tommy.

Tommy wiped his eyes again, finally clearing them of his tears, and looked towards Tubbo. He focused on the rising and falling motions of his chest, and tried to match his breathing. Admittedly, Tubbo was breathing faster than normal due to his own nerves, but the action helped Tommy regardless.

Eventually, Tommy felt ready enough to speak. Not quite relaxed, but he could at least begin to explain what had happened. “I, God, fuck,” he swore. He took back his previous thoughts. There was no way that he could begin to explain what had just happened. He couldn’t even remember a good portion of it, if he was being honest.

“Relax, Tommy,” Tubbo whispered. “Is it alright if I hug you?” Tommy noticed how the other teen’s hands were shaking, his fear well-masked, but not completely hidden. Tubbo needed this just as much as he did. He nodded quickly. Tubbo let out a hum of acknowledgement and leaned over to hug him. Tommy let his body finally untense as he sunk into his friend’s arms. 

It had been so long since they had had a hug like this. It hadn’t happened even when they had been friends all those weeks ago. Sometime during the time that Tommy had been growing up, he had decided that he was too manly for hugs and pushed Tubbo away, both mentally and physically. He regretted the choice deeply now.

Tubbo broke the silence with a question, obviously filled with curiosity, but respectful enough to hold off on bombarding Tommy with intrusive questions. “Do you want to talk about… whatever this was?” Although the phrasing was off, Tommy could tell he didn’t mean it in a rude way. He thought it over.

Logically, he knew that Tubbo would be understanding. He always was, back when Tommy used to talk to him about what was bothering him. They probably would have been friends forever if Tommy hadn’t left him for Quackity. However, he had trusted Quackity too much, and then he left him. It was still far too fresh in his mind to relive.

He shook his head no, hoping that Tubbo could tell from the motions on his shoulder. It seemed that he did, as he mumbled, “Okay,” and continued to hug him silently.

Eventually, Tommy felt stable enough to pull away. Instantly, he missed the feeling of human contact, but he ignored it. Tubbo had a slight frown on his face, but quickly covered it up once he saw Tommy looking at him. “Hey,” he said softly. “Do you want to go home?” Tubbo’s eyes quickly widened as he realized what he said. “I-I mean, I don’t have to go home with you. I get it if you just wanted a hug and that’s all--”

“Let’s go home,” he replied, cutting him off. Tommy felt the previous feeling of guilt return to him as he realized just how affected Tubbo had been from Tommy ignoring him. In the past, he would never hesitate while asking him to hang out. Now, he had looked distressed at his own words and ready to apologize over and over again.

The two shared a smile as they got off from their spot on the roof, brushing their clothes off. They gathered their belongings, which had been thrown on random places on the rooftop, and walked down the stairs together. There was an evident feeling of awkwardness in the air as they passed through the halls and through the school door, but they ignored it as they filled the quiet with small talk.

It wasn’t perfect, and they both knew it. But at least they both had each other again, and that was more than enough.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i did not quite mean to disappear for like three months but hello. i am sorry about that. losing motivation for a fic sucks. and im sorry if it happens again.
> 
> anywayyyy slight edit on the first two chapters. started this when i was new to sbi, so i wrote phil as their brother instead of their dad LMAO. he's their dad now :))
> 
> alsoooooo, clingy duo back at it again!!! for now :)) hehehe yeah. also lmk if the texting format is too messy to read, idk how to do italics, and it also looks kinda cluttered so yeah
> 
> okay thats all i think. love you guys!! take care of yourselves!!! <33

**Author's Note:**

> woah first chapter pog
> 
> im actually not sure what to say uh
> 
> i cant promise i’ll finish this fic, but i want to try. i’m aiming for around sevenish chapters? i have a semi plan in mind
> 
> anyway, i hope you enjoyed. comments would be very swag :DD bye bye o/


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